i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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