Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Randomize
