The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
