I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
