wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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