Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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