Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
