she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
