Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
