Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
FUCK WHALES
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
