his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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