my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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