dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
