I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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