yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
