tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
