Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize