You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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