Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
