Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
