but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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