On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
