You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
