So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
