I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
