No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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