I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
