its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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