it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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