there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
