I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
