Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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