last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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