I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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