I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
