exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
