This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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