Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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