she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They are going to name an STD after you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
