the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
