Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She even gives head with a lisp.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
