I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
