apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
