oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
