I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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