pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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