I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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