Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
