she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
