I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
