I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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