happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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