Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
