he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
