we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
