Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
