I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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