I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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