I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
