dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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