I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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