smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize