Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
