He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
