he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm just crazy horny about you
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
