i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
