I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
