i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize