Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
